I have been grappling with this particular issue lately. At this juncture in my middle-aged life (as with millions of Boomers) it involves the concerns of caring for a parent, who if fortunate enough to have reached into their octogenarian years, appreciate and need their children’s attention. A role reversal if you will.
My post heading Here and There is most illustrative of my current residential condition.
As you may know from my profile I live on an island and commute by boat each day to work. And now that I’ve been attending to my mom who lives on her own and is one hour away logistics have to be managed. Now from work I can be up There (Moms place) in 25 minutes – no problem- but during the winter the days are then dark and wet or icy and to drive back Here (home) after a day at work and traveling up to see mom makes for a long, long day with burn out waiting in the wings.
So last year I had rented a trailer a few minutes from her house up There to alleviate the return commute each evening. It was simple. On weekends I would return to husband and home back Here, and my sister would then be available to assist and visit our mom then.
Not the best recipe for the happiest of marriages but he is very supportive and understands the condition.
To move her to a closer proximity to us, her children, into an Assisted Living home is proving to be a lengthy process of waiting for assessment (which we are) to then be placed onto a waiting list. Which presently is at one year.
She is best where she is for now. And we can make it work.
But coming up to this winter I thought I wouldn’t “move” away again. I decided to retire from my work at the university, that my mom is now my occupation. I could then spend the day with her, getting her out to swimming and walks, errands and appointments returning to my island home by the early evening. Happy wife, happy husband-
Well I was pretty set with that decision for several weeks.
Then I decided again.
I decided instead to once more look for a place to rent for the winter. I enjoy my work. I’m not ready to stop. I will give it one more winter. She may move by next year, she may not, or she may be gone. But one more winter.
And the sad truth be told, It is a temporary situation. It could all change in a heartbeat.